


Heartache Every Moment

by PadawanRyan



Category: HIM (Band), Viva La Bam RPF
Genre: Castle Bam, F/M, Love Triangles, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-23
Updated: 2008-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:15:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23929774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PadawanRyan/pseuds/PadawanRyan
Summary: Nathalie is a young girl with a famous boyfriend, HIM's Ville Valo. What happens when she finds out she's pregnant with his ex-boyfriend's baby? And she's going to stay at his place?
Relationships: Bam Margera/Original Female Character(s), Ville Valo/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

I awoke suddenly by a shaking feeling. Looking around, I noticed everyone seemed to be the same as they were before I had dozed off. Concluding that it must have been a speed bump or perhaps a hole in the road, I glanced outside. The sky was overcast and it looked like it may rain. Part of me wished it would, as I loved the rain, but I was not outside and would only be able to watch.

It was almost silent on the bus. There were very little people aboard as it was, and considering the bus had left Brooklyn at three in the morning two days ago, the people who were there were very tired. I was one of them, but I knew I would not get back to sleep yet. There was way too much on my mind, as within only a couple hours, I would be reaching my destination.

Somehow Ville, my boyfriend and the lead singer of the band HIM, had convinced me to go along with him to West Chester. His best friend Bam Margera was having this year-long “camp out” in his castle home, and Ville could not turn down the offer. Knowing very well that I would miss him, and Bam was not going to permit any visitors during this experience, he had asked if I could come too.

Other than Bam’s mother April, and his brother Jess’ wife Kelly, I would be the only woman in the house. Of course, Jess and Kelly would have their small daughters Ava and Scarlett, but they did not count as women. I was sure that even Ava was still too young to understand what I was going through. Patting my stomach a moment, I wondered even what I was going through.

“I’ll get through this,” I whispered to myself.

I hadn’t seen Bam or any of his family for a month and a half. I hadn’t even heard from any of them. Bam and I had been dating for six months, spending many moments together, but then he broke it off. Seeing as he had just divorced his wife Missy only two months before we got together, he was sure that he was not yet ready to date. A week after the break-up, I received an email from Jess and Kelly, telling me that they would be there for me. I hadn’t received another.

Of course, after dating Bam, I had found myself becoming good friends with Ville Valo of HIM. Two weeks after the break-up, I began to date Ville. I should have expected something such as this to happen, considering Ville and Bam were such good friends. I had found myself very happy and joyful with Ville, up until the moment I started vomiting in the morning. Nothing needed to confirm it for me.

Pulling out a notebook from my bag, I began to jot down a to-do list:  
\- put on a happy face and pretend nothing is awkward  
\- give a hug to everyone I see  
\- take a nap with Ville or alone

I considered putting something else on the list, but I decided against it. I didn’t want anyone to know of my current condition, not even Ville, for as long as I possibly could. In two or three months, it would become obvious, but I wanted to wait. The fear was building up inside me with nowhere to possibly go. Turning another page in my notebook, I began to sketch a garden scene. One of my past times had been sketching nature, as it was something that calmed me down.

Hours passed, and I failed to fall asleep again. Luckily, I had brought a portable DVD player with me, and I passed some of the time by watching _Sweeney Todd_ and _The Nanny Diaries_. My collection of movies wasn’t particularly the best, but I enjoyed myself the best I could. As the sun began to set over the horizon, I noticed the bus pulling into West Chester, Pennsylvania. My insides began to tense up, but I was able to force a smile on when I saw Ville waiting for me. I grabbed my bag, and as the bus came to a halt, I exited.

With Ville was Ryan Dunn, who enveloped me in a big hug. Despite the fact that he was good friends with Bam, he and the rest of the guys enjoyed my company, and missed the time we all spent together. After Ryan released me, he handed me over to my boyfriend, who pulled me in for a hug, and gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

In his thick Finnish accent, Ville asked, “How was the bus ride?”

“Good,” I replied. “Although pretty boring, to be honest.”

“It’ll all liven up as soon as we get to Castle Bam!” Ryan exclaimed.

I nodded, and Ville and I jumped into the truck that they had arrived in. Ryan sat in the driver’s seat, and within a span of fifteen minutes of silence, we reached our destination. There were few other vehicles around, and nobody outside. Ryan took my bag from me as we exited the truck, and Ville held my hand as we entered the building. He didn’t speak, but I knew he could feel my tenseness.

Faces turned to us as we walked in. Everyone knew I was coming, but due to my breakup with Bam, they were all a little confused by why I would come. Even if it was just for Ville, they were confused. There was a briefing going on, so Bam could explain the rules, and our arrival had interrupted. The people participating in this “camp out” were Bam, Jess and Kelly, April and Phil Margera, myself and Ville, Ryan, and Tim Glomb. Everyone else was either busy, or just didn’t want to.

“I’m sorry,” I told everyone quietly.

“That’s okay,” Bam explained, “I’m just going over the rules.”

I bit my lip a moment, then asked, “Can I go take a nap? I’m very tired. Ville can tell me all the rules later.”

I noticed Bam was about the object, but April smiled and said, “Of course, go rest up.”

“I…don’t know which room is mine.”

“Dunn, you know the rules already, you go show her where to sleep,” Bam instructed to Ryan.

Ryan nodded, and still carrying my bag, motioned for me to follow him. He brought me up the stairs and down a corridor, opening the third door on the left. The room was painted black, and had fuchsia glow lights instead of real light bulbs. It looked like the sort of room I would dream of having. Ryan placed my bag on the floor, and shook his head at my shocked and amazed face.

“Ville requested this room. He put up quite a fight for it. You can have your nap, I’ll send the man up when Bam’s done with us.”

After he left the room, I spent a moment looking around. There was one stand-up closet against the wall, which seemed to be full of Ville’s jackets, and a dresser with half the drawers already filled. I unzipped my bag, and threw my two jackets into the closet, and the rest of my clothes into the two unfilled drawers. After putting away my clothes and setting out a few items on a bedside table, I collapsed on the bed.

I couldn’t fall asleep instantly, much to my dismay. “Why…” I began, muttering to myself, “Why must this have to happen?” 


	2. Chapter 2

“Rise and shine!”

The bedroom door was thrown open, and sitting up groggily, I opened my eyes to see Bam opening the curtains. Ville threw himself up beside me, and I yawned in a slight moment of dizziness. Ville shook his hand in the direction of Bam, motioning for the curtains to be closed, and I could feel the bile in my stomach rising up my throat. Holding my hand over my mouth, I stood and dashed out the room.

“Is she okay?” Bam asked Ville, who nodded.

“Yes, she’s fine. She has the stomach flu.”

I could hear their conversation from the bathroom, which was right next door. I wished for weeks that it was only the stomach flu. As I wiped the sweat from my forehead, I stood up and began to walk back to my room. There was more silence as I entered. Bam was giving me a curious look and Ville was now standing, stifling a yawn. I looked away from Bam, and moved toward the bed to sit.

“Are you okay?” Bam asked me.

I nodded, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m positive. Just give me a few minutes.”

Bam nodded, although he didn’t seem entirely convinced, and left the room. Ville walked from the window to my side of the bed. He looked down at me, and I could tell he was trying to look through me; into m soul to see my feelings. I kept my head down and yawned, then threw myself down onto the bed. Ville crossed his arms and smiled at me, so I tossed a smile back toward him.

“Don’t worry, I will be fine,” I told him.

Sitting up again, I shot him a bigger smile, and he leaned down to me. I moved in closer, and closing the space between our faces, I kissed him. Ville deepened the kiss, and leaned me back onto the bed, whilst climbing on top of me. I could feel him growing hard, and I was immediately turned on. I quickened the kiss, but held back when I heard the door suddenly squeak open.

“Woah, keep it in your pants, please!”

Ville and I both turned toward the door, to see Ryan holding a hand before his face. “Get out,” I told him.

On the other side of the door, Ryan ran straight into Bam. “What was going on?”

“You really do not want to know,” Ryan replied to his friend.

For the past weeks, Bam had put on a smile and got back to his original carefree self, but when Ryan spoke those words in that tone, a look of hurt flashed over his face. Ryan had almost not noticed, and said nothing, but he had many thoughts deep down. It was the first sign of hurt that Bam had shown toward the relationship of Ville and me, and although quick and over with, that feeling was still buried inside.

Twenty minutes later, I emerged from the room wearing jeans and a black baby -doll top instead of the tank-top and pyjama pants I slept in, with my hair brushed through. I was not feeling particularly well, but I certainly gave off the vibe that I was. By the time it reached ten in the morning, I made my way downstairs for breakfast. Ryan and Glomb were already sitting at the table.

After spending a moment in the kitchen, picking up my food, I took a seat across from the two men. They seemed deep into conversation, so I just began to eat. All I could really do was pick at my food. I was starving, but I had no appetite at the time, so I ate a plate filled with pancakes, toast and bacon very slowly.

“Are you okay?”

The question had been asked to me too much lately, so I ignored it, but when Glomb snapped his fingers, I spit out a, “What?”

“Are you okay? You don’t look too good.”

Rolling my eyes, I replied, “I’m fine.”

“You better be fine,” I heard from behind me in a thick accent.

Ville took a seat beside me, and only moments later, Jess and Kelly came and sat as well. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Ryan giving a look toward Ville and me, but I made no mention of it. I continued to eat my food, even as Bam sat himself down between Ryan and Jess. He made a point of not looking my way, something which bothered me slightly.

“Nathalie, Nathalie…it hasn’t even been a day and you’re already making use of your private room?”

I glared at Ryan, “Leave me alone.”

“Go Ville!” exclaimed Glomb.

“Calm down, Nat. We all know what kind of wild man Valo is, and we’ve heard what kind of wild woman you can be!” Ryan said while bursting out laughing, nudging Bam at the same time.

I immediately stood up, grabbed my plate, and left the room. I could hear Ryan protesting after me, yelling that it had only been a joke, but that didn’t change the way I felt. I brought my plate into the kitchen, and emptied the remainder of my breakfast out into the garbage. As I placed the plate in the sink, April entered the room, and poured herself a cup of coffee before turning to face me.

“Are you okay?” she asked me.

I wanted to strangle the next person to ask, but it was April, who was always good to me, so I didn’t. Instead I nodded.

“Are you sure? You don’t look your best.”

“I’m sure. I just need a little more sleep,” I assured her.

Following that sentence, I slugged out of the room, and decided to go back to my room for a little more sleep. There was so little to do, and fatigue had a tough hold over me. Throwing myself down on the bed, I almost instantly passed out. During my sleep, Bam went around looking for me so that he could apologize for Ryan, but when he found me asleep, he left me there in peace.

Upon waking up, I checked the nearest clock. It was half past noon, and I could hear commotion outside. I stood up and glided over to the window, where outside, the sun was blazing on the people out there. Everyone except April and Phil, who were probably busy with something more important, were outside, but I decided not to join them. It was the only time I got for myself.


	3. Chapter 3

A month had passed by slowly, and I was still getting sick every morning. Very few people had continued to notice, Ville included. When he asked me why I would dash off every morning, I told him that after a night of sleep, I needed to take a strong piss. He bought it, and questioned me no longer. I was still wondering when it would start to show, and what I would say then.

On the 20th of April, all the boys went off to get stoned. I wasn’t particularly fond of the idea, but I stayed back with Kelly and played with the girls. Ava had just turned four, and Scarlett was now two years old, and livelier than ever. Playing with the little girls, I began to imagine how I may be someday with my children.

“Kelly, I really need to tell you something.”

She gave me a curious look, “What is it?”

“First, you have to promise not to tell anyone, no matter what. This is difficult to say as it is, and would be more difficult to say to anyone else. Okay?”

She nodded, and replied, “I promise.”

“I…I’m pregnant,” I blurted out.

“That’s wonderful!” she cried, pulling me into a hug. “You and Ville must be so happy!”

I looked down at my feet, “Um…he doesn’t know.”

“Why not? Are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know if I want to…because it’s not his.”

“How do you know?”

I sighed, “I am ten weeks along. Ville and I have only been dating for two months. I was already pregnant by then.”

“But that means…”

“You cannot tell anyone! Please!”

“He should know, Nat.”

I nodded, but said nothing more. The men all returned three hours later, at a time where I was taking another nap. I was only ten weeks along, but very tired, and I was taking daily naps often. Everyone let me sleep, and when it was time for dinner, Ville came and woke me up. When I reached the kitchen, Kelly handed me a plate, and helped me scoop up tons of food. She insisted that I keep it healthy.

It was one of the most full plates I had brought into the dining room during the entire stay, but very few people noticed it. Bam, who always knew I was a stick thin person, glanced over a few times, but I did nothing. For all I knew, I wasn’t showing at all yet, and there would be nothing for Bam, or anyone, to yet suspect. Nonetheless, I continued to eat every piece of food that Kelly had given me.

I had known all along how awkward this “camp-out” would be for me, but I never assumed that it would be the same for Bam. Although I was very much involved with Ville, and went many places with him, I knew deep inside that my heart still belonged to Bam. It seemed like his still belonged to me, as well, but I didn’t hope on it. After all, he could have felt weird just because he felt bad about everything.

While getting ready for bed that night, I felt two arms snake around my waist from behind. Turning myself around, I looked into the lusting eyes of my boyfriend. I smiled to him, and gave him a small kiss. He leaned down and began to nip at my neck, but I made sure to flip the gesture before he could leave any sort of mark.

“Not tonight,” I told him as I stopped biting him, “I’m tired.”

We climbed into bed, turned out the light, and I drifted off to sleep within moments. When I opened my eyes, it seemed like it had only been ten minutes. I checked the clock, and it was early, but much more than ten minutes. Soon I felt a rumble in my stomach, and decided it would be best to go down to the kitchen and get myself and the baby a midnight snack before we both went nuts.

Everything was dark, and I had to hold on tight as I climbed down the stairs. It had taken well over five minutes for me to make a one minute walk, but I had been happy to be safe. Entering the kitchen, I noticed that the light was on, and I approached with caution. There was no noise to be heard, but I knew someone was there.

“What are you doing down here?”

I stopped in my tracks to face Bam, “Uh…snack. I’m a little hungry.”

“Hungry? After that dinner you had?”

I nodded, and without saying another word, walked toward the fridge.

“Wait.”

I stopped, and I could hear him approaching behind me as I asked, “What?”

“I’m sorry, Nat. For everything.”

At that moment, I was sure I could burst into tears. My eyes were already watering. I didn’t dare turn around, and there was silence for another few moments. Finally, still hungry, I continued toward the fridge, and grabbed myself some cold chicken breast from it. I didn’t look away from the food, but I knew Bam was coming closer to me, as his footsteps betrayed his silence.

“You’ve been filling out a bit.”

I made no notice of hearing the comment, as if it were something normal for me. The truth was that my heart was beating entirely too quickly, as it seemed Bam was about to find out my secret. Chicken was still making its way down my throat, and I refused to turn around and face the man who still held my heart.

Soon enough, just as I was finishing my snack, Bam was standing a foot before me. He placed his hand under my chin, and lifted my head so that I was forced to look at him. His face was calm, and it seemed in some way caring. He moved closer, and it appeared he was going to kiss me. Confused, I was ready to accept, but nothing came. Instead, I felt his lips on my neck.

I felt as if I was going to collapse at the feeling, and began leaning backward. Bam noticed this, and held me close to him as he sucked away at my neck. The pleasure was too much, and I had been waiting too long to feel it again, but I knew that in this state, it was not the best idea to go straight for it again.

I pulled away from Bam, and looking at the floor, I told him, “I’m sorry. This…shouldn’t be happening.”


	4. Chapter 4

“I had not realized I left a mark.”

In the morning, as I had been dressing myself, Ville noticed a dark spot on the nape of my neck. I hadn’t realized he left a mark either, and was at first confused. Then I remembered my midnight encounter with Bam, and held my tongue. I would not let it happen again, so it made it perfectly okay to pretend Ville left the mark.

Everyone began to notice at breakfast, and started a bunch of commenting for Ville. Bam’s eyes glazed over, and it was difficult to tell whether he was angry or upset about the ordeal. I tried to ignore it, and avoided answering any questions so I would not lie about anything. Nobody seemed to notice or care. Bam kept glancing up at me, but I did not look at him in fear of seeing anger.

“You two really need to slow down,” Jess said while laughing.

“Like you? You’ve got two kids!”

“We’re also married now, so it’s acceptable.”

“Plus,” Glomb began to add, “They’re more discrete about it.”

I rolled my eyes, and quickly finished up my breakfast. Already, this entire experience was proving to be a bad idea. I had come prepared, with my portable DVD player and my digital camera, but I had no use for either as I was too busy sleeping, thinking, or eating. I was still madly in love with Bam, but I also desperately wanted to be with Ville.

For the first time since the entire thing began, I wondered where Brandon, Rake, and Raab were. I wasn’t particularly fond of Raab, just because he didn’t know when to stop laughing, but I genuinely wished that Brandon and Rake had been there. If they were, perhaps Bam would have been too distracted to think of me.

Often, the only thing that would be on my mind was the baby. When I was alone, I would sit and hold my stomach, talking to it. I knew that it probably didn’t even have ears yet, but I wanted to be connected to my child’s life. Bam was right, I was beginning to fill out a bit. It was nowhere near noticeable yet, but I wasn’t stick thin anymore. In a month, all would become remotely visible.

On an afternoon a week later, the sun was blazing hot, and the group of us were relaxing on the porch in the back. Kelly was in the pool with Ava, while Jess sat around with Scarlett sleeping in his lap. Bam and Ryan were in conversation, and Glomb was speaking nonsense to April and Phil. Ville and I were just lounging around, soaking up the sun. I was also trying to drown out everything else.

“Wanna go for a swim?”

I opened my eyes to see Ryan asking me, and I shook my head. “No thanks, I’m fine right here.”

“Aww, come on!”

“Oh, you know you want to swim,” Glomb told me and he dashed over and picked me up.

I began to scream, and April tried to coax Glomb to put me down. He didn’t listen, and within moments, I was rising up to the surface, my hair matted down over my face. Moving my hair, I looked around. Laughter was about, and I was soaked. As a gesture of apology, Glomb held out his hand to help me up. Before I had the chance to take it, he was plummeting beside me into the pool.

Looking up, I noticed Bam standing there and laughing, so there was clearly only one explanation for it. Glomb came up from under the water, and started laughing. Luckily enough for him, he had a sense of humour, and could take it. I, on the other hand, was ready to kill someone. Of course, I didn’t show it, but they would all come to realize that any more damage equals death.

“That was not fair,” Glomb told Bam.

“Actually, it was.”

I nodded in agreement, “It’s just as fair as you throwing me in.”

“You were being no fun, I was doing you a favour!”

I shoved at him then, and tried to climb up out of the pool. Ville came over and held out his hand for me, and I took it. Within a moment, I was standing on the porch again, soaked and wet. Ville held me close and kissed my forehead, and I clung to him by the waist. He then began to nibble my ear, and I felt my eyes close, and my head fall back. My ears were a great turn on spot.

“Get a room, please.”

Ville smiled at Bam, who made the remark, and said, “We will.”

Holding onto my hand, he led me off the porch and into the building. We climbed the stairs and walked down the corridor. As we reached our room, Ville leaned in for a kiss, and I responded immediately. He pushed me back toward the bed, and leaned me down onto it. Climbing on top of me, he began to pull at my jean shorts.

“Let us get you out of those wet clothes.”

He peeled off my shorts, and began to kiss and nip and the skin up my side. I was feeling much too good to do anything, but I knew I must, so I quickly removed my T-shirt. Ville stopped for a moment, and removed his tank-top. As he leaned back down on me, I could feel him pulsing in his pants. I took his lips for mine, and held him there so we could continue to make-out.

Finally, he undid the zipper on his pants, and pulled them down. Already I was wet, and it could only get better from there. His hand came trailing slowly up my thigh, the soft touch almost causing me to jump. I could feel it slide under my underpants, and I almost did jump when two fingers were inserted within me. I wouldn’t be able to hold on for long, I was desperate to have him in me.

Ville must have realized my desperation, because minutes later, the fingers were removed and he began to pull down my black silk underpants. One of his hands reached up, and slinked under my bra to feel my breast. They were both tender, and at his touch, I groaned in pain. He removed his hand and began to draw back, but I pulled him in close again, and he positioned himself then.

It was not the first time we had made love, but by far, it had been the most enjoyable. Perhaps it was the atmosphere of the room, or just the hormones from my pregnancy kicking in, but either way, I was happy. He was moving faster and faster, and I thought I would burst with pleasure. Just as I was about to let go, there was a knock at the door, which instantly threw me off.

“Come on you guys, not right now.”

“Go...away, Bam. Please...go the fuck away!” I breathed out.


	5. Chapter 5

Since the incident, Bam had made a point of avoiding me. Perhaps he had taken my words too seriously, and decided to stay away. Either way, it was relieving to me yet at the same time it was aggravating. I was glad not to have to deal with awkward conversations, but I was also upset that he was actually not speaking with me.

Another month had passed, and within that time, Bam had still spoken very little to me. I was beginning to fill out more, and some people were starting to get a little worried about all my eating. Still only Kelly knew about my pregnancy, so my weight gain was very unusual. Although Bam had said nothing about it, I noticed him constantly looking, and trying to see where I had grown.

I was now in the early days of the second trimester, meaning that it was much too late to have an abortion if I so chose to, as well as the baby would soon start looking like a human being. I was still intimate with Ville often, although many times I felt so wrong about it afterwards. Part of me still belonged to Bam, no matter what.

“You’ll have to tell them sometime,” Kelly told me.

“I know. I’m scared, though.”

“Both of them will understand. Deep down, you know it.”

“I...” I began, “I just don’t want anyone to know yet.”

Kelly shook her head, “They will notice soon enough.”

I looked down at myself. She was right, and I had knew all along that it would eventually happen. I had been wishing that I had something to say by then, but I still didn’t know what to say. I had clothes that would cover up a bulge in my stomach for only a few more weeks, but Ville would certainly notice in bed. He had already noticed my weight gain, but made no negative remarks about it.

I had taken to wearing baggier tops, even though it was hot and summer was approaching. Sometimes I even asked Kelly for some clothes, in which she’d find some shirts she wore while pregnant. Every so often I found myself wearing an old shirt of Jess’, but he nor anyone else noticed. I was questioned as to why I was wearing such big clothes, but I didn’t know what to say.

“I just don’t feel comfortable with my body being seen,” I often told anyone who asked me.

Often the comeback to that answer would be to go on a diet, but inside I knew I could not do such a thing. It wouldn’t be healthy, especially for my baby. I continued to eat quite a bit, and luckily, my morning sickness had by then disappeared. I was still very tired, but made a point of staying awake and keeping involved. I didn’t go along with any of the rough activities, but made sure to be there.

When the rest of them would grab lawnmowers and tractors to ride around on, I sat on the grass and watched. Sometimes even Kelly participated, while April and Phil watched their little granddaughters. There were often teams; Glomb and Ryan, Jess and Kelly, and Bam and Ville. I never thought that since the teams were equal, they would actually care that I only sat around and watched.

“Why don’t you participate?”

The voice startled me, but I looked up, and replied, “I simply don’t want to. I’m a little tired.”

“All you are lately is tired. You used to be fun.”

“I’m just not...into it right now.”

“That’s bullshit! Are you sure you’re healthy? You’ve been tired and eating, but nothing else.”

It was the first time Bam had seriously spoken to me in a month, and I felt like I’d cry from the tone he used. “I’m sorry,” I choked out.

Clearly, Bam had noticed the cry in my voice, because he stopped speaking. His face had softened, and he seemed much calmer. If one looked at him from my perspective, they may even assume he was sad. He turned from me, as if to walk away, but after taking one step, he stopped. I lowered my head to look at the ground, and prepared for tears, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning, I saw Bam kneeling beside me, looking deep into my eyes.

“I’m sorry, Nat. I shouldn’t act this way.”

I said nothing, so he continued, “I suppose I was just bitter and upset, because I miss you, and you pay all this attention to Ville. I guess I just wanted your attention for myself.”

I was silent. I never expected Bam to apologize, for anything. “I...”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just say you accept my apology.”

I nodded, tears streaming down my face. “I do.”

By now, Ville had been having trouble without his partner, and had stopped to wait for him. Bam had begun to move closer to me, but I noticed Ville standing and waiting, so I backed up a bit. I did not want Ville to think anything, much as I desired to have Bam’s lips cover mine. He seemed to realize why I backed up, because he then got up and joined Ville down the yard.

“Have you noticed anything different with Nat?” Bam asked Ville when he reached him.

“A couple things, yes. I hope she’s okay.”

“She seems a little depressed...”

Ville nodded, “I think she misses you, Bam.”

The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. Bam was missing me, he knew that in his most conscious of states, but he hadn’t thought that maybe I missed him as well. Especially after the night where I pushed him away, Bam seemed to try and forget about me. Ville had given him the piece of information that he needed to hear.

“Do you think so?”

“She doesn’t realize it,” the Finn began, “But she speaks your name in her sleep. She is always asking for you.”

Bam gave a glance in my direction, to see me looking around, almost avoiding his gaze. He could tell that there was something different about me, but he was unsure what. Ville patted his shoulder, and motioned for him to turn and walk away. It didn’t seem to bother Ville that his girlfriend was in love with another man. Bam was confused about the entire ordeal, but said nothing about it.

“Let’s just hope she gets better,” he muttered.


	6. Chapter 6

“Nat, there’s something different about you.”

It was dinner time in early June, and I was stacking a plate full of food. Kelly no longer had to coax me into eating more, because my appetite exploded and I felt the need for food. When it was just the two of us left in the kitchen, April decided to start up conversation. No doubt she noticed the differences about me; the differences in my appearance, and in my eating and sleeping habits.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know...but it seems...oh, it’s crazy...”

I smiled, “What’s so crazy? Come on, tell me.”

“Nathalie...forgive me for asking, but...are you pregnant?”

I froze then. I had no idea what to say to April. She was a respected member of Bam’s family, as well as very nice to me, and I didn’t want to lie to her. On the other hand, I didn’t want everyone else to find out. Of course, by now I was four months along, nearly seventeen weeks, and my stomach was protruding through any thin clothes I had left.

“Yes.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful! I just knew it. How far along are you?”

I hesitated, then answered, “Seventeen weeks.”

“And you didn’t tell us yet? That’s wonderful news! You really...” April trailed off, and her expression died down from the giant smile.

“You were still with Bam seventeen weeks ago.”

I nodded, and bit my lip, “Yes, I was.”

The cry must have been evident in my voice, as April came up and patted my back. “Oh, Nathalie...why...?”

“I don’t want anyone to know. Especially not Bam.”

“He will understand.”

“I...I don’t want to take the chance of him not understanding...or Ville not understanding.”

I knew then that I was going to cry, and I did. April kept rubbing my back as I cried, and I had placed my plate of food on the counter so as not to drop it. I was not wearing a small top, so that everybody would not see my belly, but looking down, I could see the small bump. That made me cry even more, just thinking about the baby I was carrying inside me, the baby that belonged to Bam.

“What’s going on in here?”

I lifted my head to see Glomb, Bam, and Jess standing at the entrance to the kitchen. My crying was obvious quite loud. “Nothing,” April told them, motioning for them to leave.

“We heard crying.”

“Yeah, are you sure everything is okay?”

I wiped away my tears and nodded, “Everything’s fine.”

I was just about to leave the room when I heard Jess ask, “Is that my shirt?”

Stopping in my tracks, I turned around to face them. Jess had a questioning face on, as did pretty much everyone else. I had known this day would come, when someone would finally notice that I was wearing his clothes, I just didn’t know what to say when it came. Bam was soon noticing the shirt as well, and he shot a murderous look at his brother. Obviously, he was thinking the wrong thing.

“Kelly gave it to me,” I said, “So that I could...hide...”

“Hide? In a shirt?”

“Hide my body.”

There was silence for a moment, and I slipped out of the room. Forgetting my food, or even my hunger, I made my way upstairs and down the corridor to my room. Downstairs, I could hear April giving hell to the three guys, and I managed to choke out a little laugh, but that didn’t change my mood. I was still depressed, and I had no idea what to do about it. There was nothing I could do.

I was alone for at least an hour. The other members of the household respected my privacy, clearly, and that made me happy. In that time, I cried myself to sleep. My dreams were not exactly ideal, and turned more in the direction of nightmares, but I awoke to find Ville asleep next to me, and holding me. That made me feel assured.

Looking at the clock, I realized it was only eight at night. Either Ville got tired, and actually went to bed earlier, or he had come to talk to me and climbed in beside me in the process. Whatever reason he had for being there, I was glad. I snuggled myself in closer and smiled, although I could not get back to sleep. Finally, I pulled myself up, realizing that I still hadn’t eaten.

By now, it was approaching nine-thirty, and everyone was in the “pleasure lounge” living room, watching TV on the flat-screen. I walked quietly into the kitchen, hoping not to attract any attention. My plate was still sitting on the counter, but now with plastic wrap on it, so I unwrapped it, sat, and began to eat it. For a while I was alone, until Bam came in for a snack. He didn’t notice me at first, but when he sat to eat as well, it was hard not to notice me.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just fine.”

“Are you sure? I mean...I’m just worried.”

I nodded, and stood. My plate was nearly empty now, and I didn’t have the desire to finish my food. I scraped the remainder into the garbage, and set the plate in the sink. I turned to go back upstairs, but was stopped suddenly when Bam stood in my way. He had his arms out on his sides, holding the doorway, so I wouldn’t be able to get through. I sighed, and held my hands on my hips.

“What do you want, Bam?”

He was silent, staring at me with concentration, so I asked again, “Bam, tell me what you want.”

Bam spoke no words, but leaned in to kiss me. All he left was a soft kiss on my lips, and I backed up. Noticing this, he removed his arms from the wall, wrapped them around me, and came in for a greater kiss. My lips were parted, and I could feel his tongue dance with mine. I was lost within the kiss, until suddenly he stopped.

“That, Nathalie,” he began, “Is all I wanted.” 


	7. Chapter 7

As I reached into nineteen weeks, nearly five months, it was becoming more obvious that something was different about me. Ville had already realized what it was, and I told him when he asked. He knew that it was Bam’s baby, but luckily for me, he was still willing to raise it with me as my own. Kelly told Jess what was going on, April had told Phil, and I continuously caught Glomb eying my belly. He said nothing, but I could tell by his expressions that he knew.

The only people who hadn’t said anything, or even gave any sign of notice, were Bam and Ryan. The two seemed too caught up in their own thoughts and conversations to even consider that I may be pregnant. I was still borrowing some of Jess’ clothes, as we were unable to leave, and I could not buy any real maternity clothes. April also gave me a few shirts, and a pair of stretchy pants.

“I’m fat.”

April laughed, “You’re not fat, you’re pregnant! It’s different.”

“Either way...I look fat.”

That’s how I was beginning to feel. Looking in the mirror, all I saw was myself with a larger stomach and bigger clothes. It barely looked like me anymore. I was glowing, it was clear on my skin, but my face was not entirely happy. I looked exhausted, and much different in the way I dressed. I’d gone from previously wearing jeans and silk tops to sweat pants and large CKY T-shirts.

“You still look beautiful,” Ville told me in reassurance.

As I finally reached twenty weeks, I began to realize that I would end up in labour in this house without being able to go out and buy baby furniture. There would still be four months left of the year by the time I had my baby, and still, none of us were able to leave. I grabbed up all my courage, and after breakfast on one mid-July morning, I decided to take Glomb aside and ask him a favour.

“You build things, Glomb. Can you build me a crib?”

“So it’s true? You really are pregnant?”

“Yes,” I said, nodding, “And in another four months, I’ll need a crib.”

“Okay, well, it’s different from my usual projects but I can...wait, four months? That means you’re five months along.”

I nodded again, and he stated, “You haven’t been with Ville that long.”

This was another moment I was dreading. Almost everybody now realized I was pregnant, but fewer understood that it was Bam’s baby. Nobody had the care to ask, so I hadn’t thought of what to say. I wanted to say that maybe I was mistaken, but I didn’t feel like presenting a lie, especially to the man who was going to take his own time to build my child a crib.

“Or,” he suggested, “You have, and told no one?”

“No, Glomb. I haven’t. And before you even suggest it, no, I did not cheat on Bam.”

He was for a moment confused, but then understood what I meant, “Does he know?”

I shook my head, “I barely think he knows I’m pregnant.”

The conversation ended there, with Glomb giving me a small nod before I walked off. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. It was very hot outside, and I wished to relax under the sun, but Bam, Ville, and Ryan were all out on the porch drinking. Often, I was trying to avoid Bam, and sometimes Ryan. Seeing as they were the only two not to give any sign of being aware of my pregnancy, I didn’t want them to find out.

“You’ll have to tell him sometime, Nat,” April told me. “He’s a smart boy. Eventually, he will figure it out.”

I knew she was right. I kept trying to convince myself that I could hide it from Bam, but soon enough, he would notice. Part of me was surprised he hadn’t already, but knowing him, he was probably too preoccupied with other thoughts. Every night I thought of him, and although I tired my best not to when Ville and I were intimate, it was hard to avoid thinking of Bam.

After another week, I could tell that Ryan knew. He didn’t speak to me about it, but he pointed fingers to my stomach and made baby actions, and I would nod to reply to his silent question. Whether he realized who the baby’s father was, I didn’t know, but important thing was that he knew. Sooner or later, Bam would know, either by Ryan telling him, or by noticing it on his own. I dreaded the day.

“I want the truth, Nat. Are you just getting fat, or are you pregnant?”

Bam’s voice had startled me, enough so I couldn’t put together a lie, and spit out, “Pregnant!”

He looked to me for more answers, so I told him, “I’m pregnant. Ville and I...we’re expecting a baby.”

“I’m happy for you.”

I could hear the hurt in his voice, and see it in his eyes. He wasn’t happy at all. All those times he’d tried to get closer to me, to him they must have felt like a waste. After all, there he had been all along, pouring out his desire to me, and I was carrying another man’s baby. I hadn’t the heart to tell him that it was his child in my womb. Somehow, I felt he would not be too accepting.

Only a few nights later, while laying in bed, I was having trouble sleeping. Ville was out like a rock, and there would be no waking of him until he so desired. I slept on my side, trying to think of ways to put myself out, when I heard a loud crash come from downstairs. I was obviously not the only person to hear it, because I could hear doors opening. I jumped up and followed Jess, Glomb and Ryan downstairs.

“Fuck! No...fuck...this isn’t happening...shit!”

Over the railing, downstairs, there was Bam taking a baseball bat and smashing things. Already the table was in pieces, and he was on his way with the TV. He spoke very little except mumbled, and sometimes shouted, swears, as he took his anger out on his furniture. The four of us watching were confused, but I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach as to what this was about.

“BAM!” I called out to him, “Bam! Stop this!”

“FUCK!”

He didn’t even look up, or give any notice that he had heard me. Within moments, the bat went straight into the screen of the TV, smashing it and leaving a giant cracked dent in the center. From hearing that, April came running as well, and screamed for Bam to stop. He ignored everything we said, and continued with his anger. One could say they even thought he was crying as he did this.


	8. Chapter 8

“You know why he’s doing this, don’t you?”

I nodded, knowing very well. Ryan continued, “He’s jealous. He wants you, Nat, and now you’re pregnant with Ville.”

I knew it all along. I hadn’t told Bam that the baby was his, I told him it was Ville’s. Now he was upset, angry even, because he could never have me anymore. I felt guilty for it, and even angry at myself, but I could not bring myself to tell Bam, or even Ryan, the truth. I wanted to tell then that I carried Bam’s child; and I wanted them to know that I wanted to be with Bam.

“Ryan...I have to tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell Bam, please...not yet, at least.”

He nodded, “I promise.”

“I’m not pregnant with Ville. The baby is Bam’s.”

“The baby...it’s Bam’s baby?”

I nodded. Ryan sat there in silence, looking shocked, and was at a loss for words. Obviously, he had been so convinced that my child was Ville’s, that he never even processed the thought that it might be Bam’s. I sat in silence as well, waiting for Ryan to say something, but instead he pulled out a cigarette and walked away while lighting up. His best friend being a father was big news.

In turn, I as well walked away. I needed time to think, time to process everything that was happening. Glomb had already finished the crib, and it was sitting inside my room. I was lucky that Jess and Kelly decided to have the girls with them during this whole ordeal, otherwise my baby may not have had any clothes at birth. Kelly already given me some of Scarlett’s hand-me-downs, and although I had yet to be to a doctor since the day I discovered my pregnancy, I was healthy.

At this time in the night, the pirate bar was deserted. Half the household were already in bed, except for Ryan and I, as we had been talking. I couldn’t drink, I hadn’t wanted to anyway, but I just wanted to sit somewhere alone. I was alone, thankfully. Wearing only navy sweatpants, a tank-top and a long thick black heartagram jacket of Ville’s all buttoned up, I felt so incredibly weird.

After a while, I found myself becoming bored. I looked around for something other than liquor to drink, but was unsuccessful. Too lazy to do anything else, I sat myself down again. I was about to doze off when Bam came barging in. He didn’t seem to notice I was there at first, when he looked around for a beer, but nearly stumbled over my lounging body. Realizing who it was, he stared in horror.

“I’m so sorry.”

I yawned, “It’s okay.”

He knelt down to where I was, asking, “What are you doing in here?”

“Escaping.” It was all I could say, my only answer.

He sat himself down beside me and added, “Me too.”

For moments, all I could hear was Bam drinking. He didn’t look at me and didn’t speak, but I kept sneaking glances at him. Eventually, he put down the bottle and sighed. I looked at him, and as he noticed, he looked back at me. I could see the hurt in his eyes as he did, and all he could do for a while was stare. All I did was stare back, and there was no movement between the two of us.

I looked away for only a moment, but Bam managed to reach out and turn my face to his. He leaned in and took my lips in a passionate but bruising kiss. He was tipsy already, I could tell, and nothing would stop him from getting what he wanted. Soon enough, I found myself responding to the kiss, and he was leaning me backwards straight onto the ground. Not long after, he was on top of me.

Bam unbuttoned my jacket, and began to feel around my stomach. In his current state, he didn’t seem to care that I was pregnant, or that he thought I was pregnant with another man. As he reached his hand up my shirt, it was clear that all he cared about was having me. I felt myself succumbing to it all, and longing to have him as well. Already he was hard, and I could feel it through the thin pants I wore.

Suddenly, I realized what I was doing. I realized what was happening. I attempted to lift Bam, and he removed his hand from my shirt, asking, “What are you doing?”

“Stopping this. It can’t continue.”

“Why not? You want it Nat, I can tell.”

“But it’s not right. I’m with someone else...and we’re gonna have a baby. I can’t go around fucking you.”

His face cringed, “Fuck...fuck Ville. I want you, Nat.”

“I...I want you too, Bam...but I can’t...”

“Fuck. You move on, jump into bed with my best friend, and now you and the Finn are having a baby. I’ll bet this was planned.”

I gaped, shocked. “What?”

“To make me jealous, so I’d realize what I’m missing.”

“Bam, what the fuck are you talking about? I wouldn’t do that just to benefit from your misery! Goddamn it, Bam.”

“Then why? We break up and suddenly you’re pregnant!”

I rolled my eyes, “You broke up with me, remember?”

I wasn’t sure what Bam was going to do next. He seemed angry, he seemed disappointed, and he looked like he wanted to punch a wall. I considered backing up, but I decided against it. Not only was I too frightened and frozen solid in spot, but I also didn’t want to see how Bam may react to me leaving. I stood there, and watched as he looked around, and then back to me.

“Are you really serious about Ville?”

“Huh?” I was confused. “What do you mean?”

“Are you two a serious couple? I know what you guys have done, we’ve all heard you, some have witnessed...” he trailed off, thinking of Ryan, “But are you really serious?”

That was something I had thought over time after time in my head. The truth was that I never even came up with an answer for myself. I did enjoy being with Ville, and I was happy that he had agreed to raise my child, but I couldn’t be completely serious about him while I still longed for Bam. He could see the struggle in my eyes, but I stood my ground, and decided again to lie to the man I loved.

“Yes...we’re a very serious couple.”


	9. Chapter 9

By the time I was reaching twenty-six weeks, six and a half months, everyone around me was planning a baby shower. April wanted to keep it a surprise, but eventually she realized that with all of us in a house together, we would not be able to keep anything a secret. I was told by Ville, who seemed amused by the entire ordeal, that Bam was going to permit one day for everyone to go shopping for gifts.

“He’s not totally heartless,” Ville added with amusement.

It was true that Bam had arranged a day for everyone to get gifts, but I hadn’t understood why. Since the evening we had a moment and spoke about seriousness, he hadn’t spoken to me. It was another one of those times that I was depressed about, yet relieved about at the same time. He couldn’t possibly ignore me for the rest of his life.

On the twenty-ninth of August, all the guests were permitted to go out and buy gifts. They were separated into two groups, each with a woman so they had a better understand of a good gift. Phil, Glomb, and Ryan all went with April whereas Jess, Ville, and Bam went with Kelly. I was left alone for the three hours to babysit Ava and Scarlett, who made no trouble for me, which made me happy.

April’s group was the first the return home. They seemed in good spirits, although April complained about Ryan and Glomb. Because I had spent the entire day watching the girls, April decided to take over while I took a nap. While she was out, not only did she buy my baby shower gifts, but she also bought me some maternity clothes. I went for my nap in a floral one-piece shorts outfit instead of a CKY shirt.

“Where did you get that?”

I awoke to Ville sitting on the bed beside me, pointing at my outfit. I smiled, “From April. Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

I blushed and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, “Good. So do I.”

This outfit, although maternity, showed off my belly clear as day. I was starting to get very big, and it was hard for me to even lean in and kiss Ville. Sometimes I had frightening thoughts of sleeping and thrashing around, possibly hurting the baby. Ville and April both reassured me that it would be fine. My belly constantly got dirty looks from Bam, but I didn’t care anymore, as long as he didn’t suspect anything.

Constantly, Kelly was pushing me to tell Bam the truth. Almost everyone was. The only person who had made no notice of knowing who’s child I carried was Jess, but I figured Kelly had told him anyway. He was a good friend of mine to some extent, and he probably wouldn’t want to have made anything awkward between us. Phil had barely mentioned anything either, but I knew that he knew.

On an early September morning, as I began to reach into my seventh month, I decided to watch TV alone in the “pleasure lounge”. The TV had been replaced on the group’s day out, and I was glad for it. It felt nice to be able to lounge around on the couch, my large belly above me, and watch TV. I was busy watching an episode of _The Secret Life of the American Teenager_ , a show I felt I could relate to, when Jess walked in alone and took a seat on the other couch.

“Nat, I know we haven’t spoken much lately, but I’d like to be here to help,” he told me.

I nodded, “Thanks, Jess. I appreciate it.”

“I’d like to say first that I know the baby is Bam’s.”

I nodded to show him I understood, and he continued, “And I know Kelly has been pressuring you to tell him. Much as I’d like to stay out of it, she’s right.”

I was silent, so he added, “You should tell him.”

“I...I don’t want to, Jess. I really don’t.”

“I’m saying this as a concerned brother, and a concerned friend. You both will get out of this better if you tell him.”

“I’m...afraid...”

“Either way, Nat, he’ll find out. After all, if the baby comes out looking like him at all, don’t expect him not to notice.”

That was one point I hadn’t thought of in all the hectic thinking. I knew that Ville would be in the delivery room with me, and that he would notice the resemblance between the baby and Bam. That was one of the reasons I told Ville upfront that the baby was not his. I never considered the thought that Bam would see the baby after the birth, and that there was a possibility of it looking like him.

“Maybe I’ll be lucky. Maybe he...or she...will look like me.”

“Look,” Jess put in, “You don’t want to take that chance.”

There was silence after that, all except the TV. Jess remained sitting in the living room with me, and until Ryan came along a half hour later, it was just us. I wondered why Jess would sit and watch a show about teenage girls have babies and having sex, but I didn’t question him. Ryan made a laugh about it when he came in, which caused me to laugh as well, but nothing more was said about it.

“I think I’m gonna make breakfast, if none of you assholes are gonna do it first,” I said, getting up with a grin on my face to signify that I was only joking around.

Ryan waved me away, “You do that.”

I walked away into the kitchen, where luckily enough, April was already making breakfast. I smiled to her and walked back out, finding my way out the door to go outside. The weather was still hot, but cooling down as we were expecting fall soon. I decided to take a long walk around the fourteen acres of land that Bam owned, all by myself. At first it was relaxing, but eventually, I felt bored.

“Looking for company?”

I turned to see Bam walking toward he, his hands shoved into his jean pockets, and I replied, “Sure.”

He didn’t speak for a while after that, until, “You shouldn’t walk this far from the house. You might go into labour...we may not find you.”

“Bam...I’m not due until November.”

“It happens, and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Thanks.”

“I mean that, Nat. I...I want to tell you something...”

My ears perked and I looked at Bam, “What is it?”

He moved in closer, to fill the space between our faces. Just as he was leaving a soft kiss on my lips, we heard someone yell, “HEY!”


	10. Chapter 10

“I can’t believe you, Bam! How long have you been doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Trying to seduce another man’s woman! Trying to get Nat!”

Bam scoffed, knowing that it would be better he didn’t answer the question. He was lucky enough that it was Ryan who had caught them, Ryan who had gone looking for Nat after she disappeared, but he was still getting the third degree. Deciding that it would be worse if April had found them, he sat back and sighed.

“As long as I possibly could.”

“Has she,” Ryan began, “Let you...do anything?”

“Almost. Quite a few times, but she always came to her senses. Fuck, her senses should bring her to me, not away!”

Ryan could see the pain in his friend’s face. There wasn’t going to be any healing for Bam as long as Nat was still around, pregnant, and with Ville. Nobody had suspected this at the time of their breakup. Everyone assumed Bam wasn’t yet over Missy, but the hurt he expressed at the time of his divorce was nothing compared to this. Ryan finally understood why Bam let Nat go; he didn’t want to fall in love.

“It’s okay. You’ll be fine, man.”

“You can’t say that, Dunn. But I can try, if it means anything.”

Each day I was growing bigger. The end of September was coming by quickly, and I was feeling like a whale. April had a celebration planned for Bam’s birthday, especially after the turmoil he’d been through, but I was unsure I would be able to enjoy myself when I could barely sit in a chair anymore. In another week or so, I would be eight months along, and slowly reaching toward my due date.

At the time, April had also confided in me the day of my baby shower. It would be two weeks after Bam’s birthday, on the twelfth of October, and that I should act surprised. Ville was starting to hold my stomach every once in a while, once he realized that my baby had begun to kick. Although it wasn’t his baby, he seemed mesmerised by the feeling that there was a life inside me, kicking.

“That is so wonderful,” he whispered to me.

“Try feeling it from the inside!”

“Does it hurt?”

Smiling sweetly, I replied, “No, not at all.”

Romantic walks, hand in hand, were becoming a past-time for Ville and me. There was not much else I was able to do, considering soon April had planned to confine me to bed rest, but it felt nice to be outside. We were always making jokes about the baby, and then bringing up happy memories from the past. Everything was happening in a whirlwind, especially once Bam’s birthday came on the twenty-eighth.

Bam woke up as early as dawn, knowing full well that it was his day. He ran around the corridors screaming about it like a little kid, causing us all to awake groggily and throw pillows at him. He first attempted to make everyone do absolutely everything for him, such as dress him and feed him, but we all retaliated and walked away. I didn’t even bother trying anything; when he spoke, I ignored him.

By the time the big birthday dinner came along, I was getting tired of Bam’s attitude. Everyone was gathering around in the dining room, whereas I decided to sneak away. Considering all the commotion that was going on, nobody noticed, and I managed to get into the downstairs laundry room unseen. At first all I did was sit on the dryer, thinking of something to do, then I passed out in a laundry pile on the floor.

“Where’s Nathalie?”

Dinner had finished and April was bringing out Bam’s big birthday cake, and he had only noticed then that I was gone. “Seriously, where did she go?” he asked.

Nobody had an answer, the only person to speak being Glomb, saying, “No idea.”

Bam then stood, with everyone telling him to sit back down and blow out his candles. He shook his head, and left the room, on a search for myself. The first place he checked was the pirate bar, after that one night, but was confused when I was not there. My bedroom was also empty, and he could see earlier from the dining room that the “pleasure lounge” was deserted.

I had no idea the time, but I found myself awaking to light entering the room. Squinting my eyes open, I noticed someone had opened the door, and their shadow was in the doorway. I rubbed my eyes, and sat up slightly, trying to get a better look at my visitor. The light switched on then, and the face before me gave an astonished but confused look.

“Bam? What are you doing?”

“Why weren’t you at dinner?”

I gulped, “I was...tired.”

“Why are you sleeping on dirty laundry and not in your bed?”

I had no answer there, so Bam knelt before me, “Come have cake.”

I shook my head, “No.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t want to. You go have your cake.”

Taking a seat in the dirty laundry beside me, Bam smiled, “I don’t want my cake if you won’t eat it either.”

That sentence, for some reason, made me smile and blush with happiness. I leaned into Bam, and he put his arm around me, holding me close. It was the first time in many months that he was able to hold me, and it seemed to please the both of us. After what seemed like only moments, I found myself dozing off in Bam’s arms, and not long afterward, he fell asleep as well.

The first sound I heard when I woke was April outside the room, worried because she couldn’t find Bam, and it had been an hour since she presented him with the cake. Turning to my right, I noticed the birthday boy still asleep beside me. Unsure of what to do, I slowly removed his arm from around me, and grabbed onto the washer as I stood. Opening the door, I peeked around.

When it became evident that nobody was there, I decided to go find someone. Eventually, I felt a bump on my front and belly, with someone asking, “Nat! Have you seen Bam?”


	11. Chapter 11

“Thank you so much, Ryan. It’s amazing.”

It was nearly mid-October, and I was sitting in the “pleasure lounge” with everyone else, opening my baby shower gifts. Already I had received some baby clothes from Glomb, small things as he already built me the crib; a rocking chair from April; and some blankets and curtains for the baby and it’s room, from Ryan.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“You really outdid yourself, Ryan. I love it.”

There were many more gifts to follow. Everyone outdid themselves, as it felt much more like my birthday than a baby shower. The only person who gave me no gift was Bam, who wasn’t even present at the shower. Glomb told me not to worry, that he was just depressed, although I couldn’t help but worry even then. As soon as the baby shower finished, Ville and I moved the stuff up to our room, then I set out on a search around for Bam.

It wasn’t difficult to find him. Bam had been in his room the whole time, skateboarding on his half-pipe to release his anger. I had no idea what to say to him, or whether to interrupt him at all. I knew exactly why he was angry, and he had the right to be. Nothing could keep me from feeling terrible about it, and I longed to run up to him and embrace him in a warm hug while kissing him.

“How long have you been there?”

I was brought out of my trance by Bam’s voice. “Uh...not long.”

“What are you doing down here?”

“I...wanted to see you. After all, you didn’t come to the shower.”

He looked away, “Don’t fucking talk about that shit.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to hear about your fuckin’ demon child with fuckin’ Ville Valo! You think I want to hear about that?”

I couldn’t keep my temper down any longer, “Fucking hell, Bam! Shut the fuck up! I want you to be a part of my life just as fucking much as you want me a part of yours! You’re an idiot, a goddamn fucking idiot!”

I turned around, leaving him stunned at my outburst, and began to walk away. Anger was still stirring inside me, and I felt I had more to say, but I couldn’t bear to say it. If I attempted to, I would tell Bam the truth, and that was the one thing I refused to do. I had only made it down the hall when I felt a piercing pain in my abdomen. Crouching down and grabbing my stomach, I screamed. Behind me, I heard footsteps running, and suddenly stop.

“Nat! Are you okay? Nat!”

The pain continued, and I couldn’t stop screaming, finally bringing myself down to the ground. “Help...I need...help...”

“APE!” I heard Bam yell, while running around, “PHIL! VILLE! RYAN! KELLY! JESS! GLOMB! SOMEBODY HELP!”

The first person to show up was Jess, who’s eyes widened instantly when he saw me sitting on the floor, clutching my stomach. He gave Bam a shocked look, and all his brother could do was nod. Jess ran forward, grabbed my arms, and began to help me up. Ville came along moments later, and helped Jess get me outside. The closest vehicle to the house was Bam’s Hummer, so Jess and Ville opened up the back door and helped me in there.

Bam raced out behind them, just as Ville climbed in beside me. Jess climbed into the driver’s seat of the Hummer, and Bam jumped in beside him. Kelly ran to the door to see what was going on, just as Jess began to drive away. Everyone back at Castle Bam was confused, but there was no time to explain. I was in labour, and the only thing on anyone’s mind was getting me to a hospital.

The drive was long, and noisy. Jess did no speaking, as all he could do was concentrate on driving as quickly as he could without hurting anyone. Ville held my hand and reassured me, whereas Bam was yelling profanities as he was scared to death. I was crying and screaming in pain, and it seemed like the ride was never going to end.

Finally, I felt the Hummer stop, and the guys rushed me out. Again, Jess and Ville helped me walk, and Bam ran ahead inside. “Help!” he was screaming as he did so, “We need a doctor!”

They brought me to the front desk, where Jess told the secretary, “This woman is labour, we need a doctor instantly.”

Information about me, to sign me in, was required first. Ville helped supply that, as he had grabbed my purse for me before we left. Glancing over at Bam, I noticed he was terrified as shit, and I wondered why he was so scared. After all, he hadn’t seemed to care very much, as well as I wasn’t as scared as he seemed. As soon as enough information was down, a doctor brought a wheelchair to take me away.

“Who is going to go in with her?” a nurse asked the men.

Jess patted on Ville’s back, and Ville answered, “Me.”

She handed him the required wear for the delivery room, and walked away. Bam seemed depressed now, so Ville handed out the clothing to him, “You take this one.”

“Huh? Why me?”

“You need to, Bam Bam. She wants you in there, delivering your child.”

Bam was silent for a moment, gaping, until Jess pushed him forward. “Go change! Hurry!”

I was in a separate room for three hours, as I wasn’t fully ready yet. Bam came in, but I had no idea it was him until he spoke. I wasn’t in the mood to ask questions, so I figured I may as well ask later why he was there and not Ville. As I cried out in pain, he knelt down beside the bed, and held my right hand as sweetly as he could.

“I know, Nat. I’m so sorry.”

I gazed deeply into his eyes, feeling the reassurance I needed all along, and was about to speak when I felt another contraction hit. Screaming, the doctor finally came in and told us it was time to deliver. He and another couple doctors began to roll me into the delivery room. Bam was running beside, following, not letting go of my hand. He was calling reassurances to me, but I could barely pay attention through the pain. One thing he said did get through.

“I love you, Nat. I always have. I can’t stop.”


	12. Epilogue

Born on the thirteenth of October, the year 2009, was my son Kristian Brandon James Margera. It was one in the morning by the time he came out, but I couldn’t help but smile. Bam cut the cord, and spent what seemed like centuries staring into the little baby’s eyes. I knew it must have been Jess or Ville who told him, but I didn’t care. He was happy and I was happy, and that was all that mattered.

Ville and I never broke it off. I was still in love with Bam, but I wanted to make things work for Ville and I, because I began to realize that I was falling in love with him as well. We spent another two and a half months at Castle Bam, before deciding to return home. Bam, frantic about his little son being moved to Finland, offered us a room to stay in so that we could live with him.

We accepted, and moved into the same room that we’d stayed in all those months. April and Phil were amazed with their grandson, who looked mostly like myself, but had Bam’s blue eyes. Kristian was the grandson they’d been waiting for, after only granddaughters, and they were proud of me for letting Bam see him, and get to know him. Ville and I were happy, as was Bam.

To this day, Bam still hasn’t moved on properly, but he managed to get over the fact that I was with Ville. I told him that if it didn’t work out, someday we could give it another chance. Two years later, Ville and I had a daughter together, Isabelle April Maria Valo. Bam treated her like a daughter of his own, and the two kids enjoyed their lives growing up in Castle Bam, and living amongst chaos.


End file.
